Have you seen me? I haven’t.

Two years in a relationship. Two years as someone new.

I now find myself alone again, by choice mind you, but I also find myself noticing this unfamiliar reflection in the mirror. Almost as if I look, and I see…but there is someone new staring back. I always swear that I will never change myself for someone, but it seems I typically do. You’d think I would learn my lesson already. I really dont understand it.

Now I find myself in this predicament. Being accused of being in a biker gang. Correction… Motorcycle Club. They do charity stuff, they’re mostly parents, for fuck sake… they have pajama parties. I don’t see how they can be dangerous. Family is huge to them. Yes they have one night a week that they do party… one. Where’s the danger? Where are the crates of drugs and guns? No where. I wish people would learn to swallow their judgements.

I don’t have Caeleigh. Because I have been here. Because she was here. I’m being threatened for my child to be taken from me. Because she was up late one night, here, roasting marshmallows and getting dirty as kids typically do. But that was me not caring about her. That was me not paying attention to her. That was me putting others ahead of my daughter. I will get her on weekends but I will not be allowed to bring her here. I’m so trapped. I’m a good parent. But having some sort of social contact is big to me. 29 years old, and I’m not allowed to raise my child as I see fit. Ugh…


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