I’ve recently been introduced to the ever so amazing blogging skills of Kate Parlin. She is honest, and funny. But most of all she’s real about it. I will be following her blog from now on, a good laugh while you’re tearing your hair out can be nice, right?
Now, it was a particular post of hers that I truly did relate too.
I’m not breaking down. I’m breaking.
I can’t even begin to express how close this hit to home for me. I love my daughter, dearly. But I find myself extremely angry at times… at myself, at him… and I yell when I shouldn’t towards her. See, things are never as they seem on the outside. Haha.
I’m angry at myself because I should be doing better for her. At 30 years of age I have nothing to show but prescription bottles for psychiatric medications and an anxiety level high enough to give an elephant a heart attack. Usually I keep myself in check, usually I remain calm or continuing going about my business. But ever so often, my lack of patience gets the better of me. But at 30 I should have something to show for it right?
HIM – Complete and utter waste of oxygen, not even worth the flesh that covers his cowardly maneuvers. 7 years I’ve done this alone. He was there for a whole 5 months. Even then… it’s was partying, drinking, getting high, or trying to get laid. See we tried getting back together. So of course he’d try to get some, from both me and -ONE- of his other baby mamas. So I walked… especially when it came to finding out that he 1.) Had something. And 2.) Had four other kids that he didn’t take care of. I’m angry at him for a lot of reasons.
Needless to say I’ve got a lot to work on. But regardless, I will admit… yes I will sometimes raise my voice or yell at her. The amount of stress I’m dealing with would honestly cause Dr. Phil to check into a psychiatric ward. Oprah too maybe.
This blog is proof that everyone goes through hell as a parent or single parent. And it also gives proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel.